Critical Conversations

Besides naming your agent and filling out an Advance Directive, you should discuss your values, beliefs and wishes with your family and close friends.   In the event of a health crisis and if your directive is not readily available, doctors will usually ask family members or close friends to help them decide what you would have wanted.

It's not always easy to talk to loved ones about death, but you should let them know that doing so now will give you peace of mind and might save them untold stress or guilt later on. You may not be able to cover every possible situation, but you can share what quality of life means to you, what aspects of life matter most to you, and any spiritual beliefs you might have. Each conversation will be a little easier.

Here are a few events that might work as triggers for starting a conversation with your loved ones: the death of a friend or colleague; movies, plays or TV shows about illness or death; family occasions such as birthdays, marriages, or funerals; financial planning sessions or annual medical checkups.

Some people have a get-together for family and friends to learn about and fill out Advance Directives. In Santa Cruz County, contact us to request a facilitator for a Make Your Wishes Known gathering. This gives everyone a chance to discuss the issues and talk about death in a relaxed, social setting. This is also an opportunity for everyone present to talk about a topic that is traditionally taboo in social situations. Call your local end-of-life coalition for conversation starters or for a facilitator. (If there's no end-of-life coalition in your area, you may be able to get help from your local hospice or from an elder law attorney.)

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